OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
