Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
