I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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