My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
