Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
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