Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
