Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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