I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
