I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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