why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize