Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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