He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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