i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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