they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
