A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
