Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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