I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
