I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
farters have to be the big spoon...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I smell like Dick and happiness
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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