I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
