dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
