you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
