dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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