All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
