okay pat passed out under dana's car
Small penises have feelings too.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
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