Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
