So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
my being single is dangerous.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
