Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
