just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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