Dude my mom stole all your condoms
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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