I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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