He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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