Three words: puerto rican gang bang
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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