Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
