I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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