how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
