so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
