I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
