omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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