Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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