i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
