East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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