So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
