There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Apparently you make a good broom.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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