11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
