The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
