My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
