I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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