I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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