It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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