i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
