The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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