he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You were trust falling into bushes
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
There are leaves in my underwear?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
