Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
