how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
