I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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