I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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