Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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