I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
