I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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