Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
