it wasn't lemon gatorade
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
