I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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