She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Randomize
