Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
