She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
