between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
