Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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