Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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